An epiphany (from the ancient Greek ἐπιφάνεια, epiphaneia, "manifestation, striking appearance") is the sudden realization or comprehension of the (larger) essence or meaning of something. The term is used in either a philosophical or literal sense to signify that the claimant has "found the last piece of the puzzle and now sees the whole picture," or has new information or experience, often insignificant by itself, that illuminates a deeper or numinous foundational frame of reference.
I would like to think that I hadn't lost it by the end of the night. My morning started with a massive-poop explosion, with poop "up the back" and the smell, oh gosh the smell. Oh, did I mention that I am speaking of Keagan, not myself. This then proceeded to breakfast, bath time, which consisted of kicking, screaming and a whole lot of "no-no" from the child. All cleaned up, ready to go, someone reached his little fingers up onto the counter and yes, knocked down my beloved-cherished Diet Coke. As I came around the corner, low and behold I see the Monkey face-down licking my pop off the floor. He was swimming in it. Did I mention this was all before 8 in the morning? Breathe, breathe and breathe. I guess that's all you can do, especially as he was of course wearing a cream colored shirt. Really? Why do they make light-colored anything for children? It just gets stained and wrecked.
We then made our way to the Clinic. Routine flu-shot and checking on a diaper rash. No one tells you when you're pregnant the severity of the "look" of a diaper rash. The one that makes you want to hold your own butt cheeks and writhe around in pain as well. Of course the demon-child is sweet and innocent in the waiting room. We like to call this the "Keagan show". The show where it looks to the general public like your child is a complete angel, where he could do nothing wrong. And dun-dun-dun. We get into the exam room. The screams, the shrieks, the jerk your head and throw your back so you hit yourself on the floor. Wow, if only I could move my back like that and not get stuck on the couch for a week with an ice-pack. The nurse leaves, just fine, the doctor comes in, shrieks...the hold your child down on the table as he has the strength of an ox, the doctor leaves again, the child is fine...the door moves a centimeter and the shrieking starts once again. And then the shots. Oh God the shots. The shots that make you feel like a rotten parent because your child is looking at you and as if saying,"I know that you are doing this to me on purpose, you evil-mean, so-called parent". And then on with the crayon band-aids, a sticker and see-ya next time. Oh how I love these trips to the Kasson Clinic. I apologize Kasson if you heard shrieks and screams during your lunch-break, it was just the Monkey letting everyone know not to mess with him.
This was only half of the day, where I don't want to go into the rest. But, the good part...the make you feel like as a parent you are doing something right. Our child is not a snuggler, is not a hugger, you try and give him a kiss and it's either a slap in the face or the quick turn your head around. We got home from the Doc and of course he's asleep in the car seat. Moment of truth...do I leave my car running and let him sleep or do I brave the shrieks, rip off his shoes and jacket really quick and put him down for a nap? Think, think. I choose the ear-deafening. He doesn't let go of me, doesn't hit me...haha...just lets me hold him. Then he reaches those little fingers (the one 6 hours ago that were soaked in Diet Coke) grabs my face and gives me a big ole kiss. "Love you". Breaks my heart. And to think, I was mumbling under my breath the whole morning how big of a nasty little boy he was.
When Mike put him to bed tonight, he waved good-night to me as he was walking into his room in his footer-j's ready for night. And I thought to myself, "how is it that I can love someone more than life itself?...how is it that there is no way to put into words the love I have for that child...what was life before having Keagan?...and I bet I'll be asking myself those questions many years from now.
